It was Sunday morning service and the church felt damp and cold
The congregation was singing hymns as the church bell loudly tolled
I peeped out of my pocket hideout and a woman saw me and cried
"Oh my god it is a rat, get out of my way I want to get outside"
The hymn came to an abrupt end the vicar was none too pleased
I ran back quickly to my hideout so that I would not be seized.
Chaos reigned as everyone looked under each and every pew
If I could speak instead of squeak I would pop up and shout "Boo."
Billy was my master and he had gone to church with his mum
She said, "Wait until I get you home you'll wish you had not come"
By this time I had ventured out and perched upon Billy's head
The vicar looked down from the pulpit and this is what he said,
"We will say a prayer for one of Gods creatures for it is a tiny thing"
Just then Billy looked down sharply and I did a backward fling.
I fell into a woman's lap and she let out a piercing scream
Pandemonium broke out it was just like a very bad dream,
Billy managed to catch me and his mother marched him out
I think he was in for big trouble this was without a doubt.
All that trouble that I caused in what they call God's house
It's not as though I am an elephant I am just a tame white mouse.
I am originally an alley cat who is looked after every day
By a smashing elderly couple who really went out of their way
To gain my confidence and help to make me a sociable house cat
And it took a very long time before I would lie on the fireside mat.
They named me Tiger Tim and tempted me everyday with fish
And put fresh milk out for me every morning in a china dish
I took to the old couple and they put a cat flap in the back door
So that I could come and go as I pleased they got to know the score.
I repaid them by ripping their curtains and the chairs to sharpen my claws
But they still wanted to help me when I had glass stuck in my paws.
I met a female alley cat one night she looked so bedraggled and worn
So I decided to take her through the cat flap to stay with me till morn,
The look on the face of my couple as they could see two cats not one
I was wary of them and was expecting a scolding as I got ready to run.
But surprisingly they fussed over us stroking our heads with care
Saying at the same time that my friend was welcome there.
So now I have a Mrs to look after plus three extra mouths to feed
I think my elderly couple now know that they tamed me well indeed.
If you go by my breed you would judge me as being very haughty
But my mum and dad would tell you that I can be extremely naughty
I'm a King Charles Spaniel named Bonnie and I hold my head up high
But these are some of the things I've done and this is certainly no lie.
I grab the loo roll when it's dangling and drag it right up the stairs
Then I trail down into the living room and wind it round the chairs.
My folks ignore me when they are eating but I make sure that I am seen
I look for some paper to rip up in front of them or a magazine.
My mum and dad went to B and Q and I went with them in the van
This had got a flat tyre so dad said he would change it while he can
I saw him take something out of his mouth and put it high up in the front
I thought it was a special treat so I jumped up and began to hunt
I picked up this sweet in my mouth and started to crunch and gnaw
When my dad who had finished the tyre threw open the van door
He said sternly "What have you done you have ruined my false tooth"
I hadn't a clue what he was on about and that is the gospel truth.
By this time my mum had come back and she found it very funny
While my dad mentioned a dentist and it costing more money.
Actually that sweet took some chewing and it had the queerest taste
To be truthful I didn't enjoy it at all it was just like hard paper paste.
By the way I got carried away telling you all this and I forgot to mention
I am ten years old and if I were human I would be drawing my pension